Tuesday, November 3, 2009
It scares me to think that I've caused things to change between us.
It doesn't feel right anymore. It feels so different.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. But I couldn't put on an act.
I used to wake up to your text every morning. And that would start my day right. I'd smile to myself thinking about how lucky I was. I don't get those texts anymore. And I wait the whole day but I don't hear from you.
And when I do, it seems so superficial. I don't get much 'I love yous'. Yes,I do need that. Seeing that thats the only assurance I can get from being in a long distance relationship.Then again, I'd rather you say it because you want to and you mean it, not just because you feel you have to. You say you want to be with me and that I'm the one who put up the wall. But now it seems you're leaving that wall up. And you seem quite content with that.
Do you still think about me?
Do you still love me?
Honestly?
Maybe the trip wasn't the best idea. Don't get me wrong. I did appreciate you coming. But I guess things just didn't turn out the way we both hoped and expected. I did enjoy myself at times though, wishing the moment would last. Other times, there was just so much tension with my mom and stuff you did (which you probably didn't realise) that upset me.
'Now I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not losing you.
Why can't you forget the things I said?I was upset at that time but now I've cleared my head.
We were so strong,why did it all go wrong?
So tell me why I'm swimming against the tide,I'm praying for a lifeline cause I'm losing you.
So tell me why you don't seem to care enough to try.
Are you giving up this fight?I won't stand losing you.
What can I take to convince you we need more time.
I know I've made a few mistakes but losing you is just too much for me to take.'
10:51 PM
Breaking the Habit!
Friday, July 24, 2009
So the previous post was written out of a moment of frustration. Well,not a moment, had been feeling like that for the first week. But it's all good now. Great actually. And fuck what I said about shortening my stay. I am going to be around for a long time. Things change. I love my friends, things are awesome with them. I fell in love with someone I least expected myself to. And I miss him so very much.
I've been back for like 3 full days here and I want to shoot myself cause it's so fucking boring. I really don't know what I was thinking when I said I wanted to come back early. My bad, vickaye.
10:36 PM
Breaking the Habit!
Friday, June 26, 2009
It's been 5 days since I've been back. At times, I feel right at home as if I never left. Other times, I feel like I don't belong anymore.
Yes, I might not have many friends in Perth. But hey I've still got friends. And anyway I feel like I don't have much reason in coming back anymore. I think people are tired of seeing me come and go. And there are some who I thought were closest to me who are being totally weird. I am becoming quite used to the laidback lifestyle in downunder as well.
And another reason why I don't want to stay as long in Singapore anymore is all I do is bum around and spend money when I could be earning quite a bit back there. And everyone's busy with their own stuff, I don't expect them to make time for me. Everyone's moving on, while I feel so outdated in their lives. The people I thought I'd be most comfortable with, now it's just different. Why do things have to fucking change? Whatever I wrote on June 2nd seems like bull to me.
I feel wrong being back home. If I can still call it that.
2:32 AM
Breaking the Habit!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I promise I won't screw it up again.
We haven't known each other for long. But you get to me so much.
I want to make this work. I don't want to lose you as a friend. Not now or ever.
Our friendship is only beginning. And I'd like to see it go far and strong. Well, hopefully.
I promise I won't get you annoyed at me being annoyed at you that you say things like 'you're sick of it' or hear your voice so cold over the phone. It hurts me so bad but I guess I deserve it.
I made a promise that we won't end up like you and her. And I will keep to that.
This proves how I'm not too good for you.
And you are near fucking good enough(: the best.
ily J. x
12:19 AM
Breaking the Habit!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
It's exactly 2 weeks and about 8 hours to my flight home.
It hasn't sunk in yet. I guess cause I'm not sure how I feel about it. I guess I am happy to get back to catch up with people and get hugs from my loves. But I'm not overly excited as I would be. No offence friends,you know I love you. There's just a number of people who I would have liked to hang out with here in perth during the coming holidays. One in particular who I don't want to be too far away from at this point in time but what can I do. One month doesn't change much, do you think? Well, I sure hope not.
I wish you knew but I can't. Not now. Or maybe ever.
Well, gots to gets back to studying. Everyone's stressing over it. Am I the only one who isn't? I'm just not. haha. weird.
1:41 PM
Breaking the Habit!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I've probably said this in every post but how scary it is that time passes so damn fast?
And not only that but how sad is it that people change as time passes?how I change as well.
And how people just come and go in your life. Well, there are the ones you know will be with you forever. But then there are the passerbys. the ones you're close to for a period of time and then for some reason, like you probably lose touch with them. and you just stop talking.
I totally forgot about Friendster but got reminded of it by jeeves.and i was just reading through my comments over the past 2 years. some bringing back happy memories. some were just made me pretty emotional. especially ones from you. i really miss you and i hope you're watching over all of us(: heh. the others that were sad was cause you look back and you cant imagine you were that close you were to that person cause now you don't even talk at all. and it wasn't because of a fallout. but i guess you go different ways and then you just have nothing in common.
I believe that everything happens for a reason but why?It sucks.
I'm one who likes to make friends and keep my friends close. But like alyssa said some are meant to stick with you,others just aren't. so i guess there's nothing i can do hey? Memories is all you can have i guess. and just remembering how much fun it was with them. and this might be cheesy but i feel thankful that i had that chance to be friends with them. They'll always be in my heart,never forgotten. I'll always love them.
But then as people come and go,you just meet new people and there's others who stay and you end up becoming such great friends with. talking about anything under the sun. there's some who just over a year ago i wasn't talking much to.but one holiday changes a lot of things. And now I can't imagine not having them in my life.now and in the future. and of course there's the ones who i've known forever and its because of them i am who i am.and i cannot imagine living without them.at all.and there's some who i've gotten to know recently and i really wish those friendships would grow and last. geez i feel like such a kid but thats just how i feel(:
12:48 AM
Breaking the Habit!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
So things are looking up from my last post. emo + thinking too much = not good.
Only I can make the best of it. I'll stop whinging. Suck it up. And do something about it.
I've been having a bit of life this week.haha. this coming week I've got quite a bit of plans. The only annoying thing is I've got 3 assignments due this week. But nah thats not gonna stop me.haha.
And on an even brighter, well for me, I'll be back in 5 weeks :DD
It's starting to get pretty cold here, can't wait to go swimming and jogging out in the sun back home.
and shoe shopping with L. and a manicure and pedicure with M. I've just got so many things planned. haha. probably won't get it all done.
Lately, people's been asking me about my love life and when I say its totally stagnant, they don't believe me. Is it that hard to believe? okay, so maybe in Singapore I always had someone. But I'm in Perth now. So it's a totally different story. And they make it sound like it's so easy to just meet someone. I wish. haha. My dear friend, Justin, said he'd find me someone. still waiting. haha. And I do not have a thing with a David!ily.haha.
5:22 PM
Breaking the Habit!