Monday, April 27, 2009

So it's a public holiday today and I have not done a single thing thats productive.except for annoy my siblings, watch television and sleep. I realised I annoy my siblings so much here because I'm just so bloody bored. I was invited to a BBQ though. Had the mindframe in the morning that I was attending it but decided not to. Let's just say, I think too much about a situation and I just psyche myself that its the right decision at that point in the time but after a while I regret it. Yeah, it's so stupid hey? And you think I'd learn from it.
I just haven't been in the mood to do any work today. It's one of those days you feel so unhappy and discontent. It just hits you somehow, no reason at all.

You know my granddad used to think I had a psychological problem just because when I stayed with him during the holidays, I'd lock myself up in the room. I mean there's nothing to do at his house. Anyway, it's been eating at me for the last few years since he's said that. What if its true? I mean I wouldn't know it myself. I swear I think I am going crazy being here. Yeah, I enjoy being in school but outside of it, it's dead. I have no one. I never get calls or texts to go out. Only ones from work asking me to come in early or from classmates asking me to save a seat for them.

So it's up to me to take initiatives right. To make the calls or whatever. But I'm afraid of the rejection or would they think I'm trying so hard or I'm desperate. Or the outing turns out to be a failure cause it gets all awkward and shit.

Breaking the Habit!